Written by Adam Ryan
As Lockdown measures begin to relax, there is a collective sigh of relief occurring throughout the nation. Many of my friends who live alone, in impersonal shared houses or even with families where there is an intense or uneasy interpersonal dynamic, are relishing the fact that some, albeit very limited, occasions for social contact are once again permitted. The degree to which this is evident is of course varied, in no cases uncomplicated and, of course, entirely dependent on the individual; most noticeably, and predictably, the introverts seem to be fairing much better than extroverts. No matter what your situation though, this time has brought about a set of challenges that are, if not universally unique, quite extraordinary and unheard of in their current intensity and configuration. As one of the members of this project currently living in a communal setting, I’ve found it interesting comparing my own situation and experiences to those reported to me by my friends, family and acquaintances who aren’t. It seems that while many of the same pressures exist within our household, their intensity is simply not as strong.
First then, some context…
Presently our household is made up of three families: one couple and an 18 month year old child and two single parents with one and two children respectively, ranging from ages 6 – 10, living with us part-time. The house itself is a four-and-a-half bedroom property (the extra half thanks to a nifty temporary-wall-based solution constructed in one of the larger rooms) in South Birmingham. Our living spaces, kitchen and bathrooms are entirely communal, as is the right to use the items held therein, along with our food supply and other essential household products. We share almost all our meals together as well as trying, and largely succeeding, to contribute as equally as possible to the labour required to maintain a functioning household.
Sharing so much of the day-to-day activities that make up life in such an intimate setting as a home with people not related by blood or romantic ties is, relatively speaking, unusual. Not many people in our current society choose to do it, particularly not to the extent that we have chosen to, and particularly not with children. And like any relationship, or intersecting web of relationships, it is complex and presents its own set of unique challenges, both practical and relational. There are however a number of key advantages that I have found to living in this way, advantages that are broadly positive in the usual swing of things, but that have become particularly important during these “strange” and “unprecedented” times (as this particular epoch has so often been labelled!).
Most significantly is the abundance of social contact, and more specifically at this moment in time, social contact unmediated by a screen. My personal difficulties in Lockdown have originated in the shifting and uncertain nature of the situation: working patterns changing every few weeks in response to government measures, new and unusual childcare requirements, processes and projects that were running prior to Lockdown interrupted or in some cases stopped altogether, cancelled travel plans, an inability to plan in the medium term and the bigger uncertainties hanging over us all in relation the inevitable economic fallout that will follow this phase of proceedings. The cumulative effect has been keenly felt in my state of mind and moods.
It has therefore been a huge relief to have a group of people around me to bolster me at the times when this has been at its most acute, to give me some perspective outside of myself and allow me to see that life is in fact continuing regardless of the unusual situation in which we find ourselves. The culture we have fostered here is one of openness, mutual support and sensitivity to each others needs and wants. All it can take is a kindly word over the breakfast table, or an offer of a walk or a bike ride and an otherwise bleak state-of-mind can be transformed into one of connectedness and positivity. Equally a gentle reminder, firm request or the infectious enthusiasm of someone else in relation to a hitherto unsavoury domestic task can prompt the desire, previously so hard to grasp, to stop procrastinating and just get on with whatever it is that needs getting on with! As much of a lifeline Zoom, Whatsapp and Facetime have been, such mediums just can’t convey the energy or provide the spontaneity required of such moments.
Even with that in mind, it can be all too easy to avoid contact when we don’t want it or don’t feel like it. With a relatively introverted temperament such as mine, it is tempting to simply retreat to my room and try to weather the storm in that way – often not the best strategy at the best of times, but particularly not when the availability of real human contact is so drastically reduced. But having made the commitment to share so much of our resources, space and time means that this is only possible to a certain degree. At some point during the day social interaction will happen whether I like it or not; regardless of if it is something I ‘want’ at that very moment, there is a bigger commitment that keeps me in connection at it’s most basic. And in these times where many, myself included, are experiencing decreased motivation, loneliness and apathy, that basic connection, fostered here in large part by the entity of the community to which we have all committed, is so precious, and a vital gateway to something even greater.
Despite so far focusing on mitigating the more challenging aspects of the Lockdown, it is in fact the more straightforwardly positive aspects our household connection that will be my enduring memory of it. With the exception of myself, everyone in the household has either been furloughed, is working from home or off school; I enjoyed three weeks off work, with three more of reduced working hours. As a result our physical presence in the house has been much greater and, thus, so have the chances of us spending time together. The instances of us engaging in shared activities has increased dramatically – trips to the allotment, walks in the woods, multiplayer video game sprees, introducing the unsurpassed genius of classic Simpsons episodes to a new generation, collective home-school sessions, trampoline extravaganzas, memorising ‘krimps’ a-la-Mighty Boosh and even hosting a 40th birthday party (along with talent show). That’s not to mention the effect of simply being more in touch with each others patterns, moods and habits and having the time and space to talk more, or, quite simply, just to be quiet and to exist without agenda in the proximity of one another. It isn’t since being a child that I have had such a sense of a ‘normal,’ grounded existence within my home environment, and with that, the conviction that the building I have chosen to reside in is just that: a home.
Our children have of course benefited from this situation just as much as us adults (which clearly, is of great benefit to us too!). For many children at present, socialising is limited to siblings and/or (for only child families) their parents. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – with reduced working and school commitments for many, and for those lucky enough to be blessed with a stable family structure, it offers an especial opportunity for fostering stability and nurturing connection with children that may not come again in our lifetime. It also comes with a high probability of boredom, tension and quarrels (at the very least). We certainly haven’t been immune to this, but having a number of different reference points in the form of other children, and to a lesser extent adults, to play with, combined with the wider net of support for us parents feeling the strain of a solely domestic existence, has really helped to make this a very enjoyable time for them.
Although not quite as warm and fuzzy as all the above advantages, it is also worth mentioning the practical up shots we have enjoyed. With food prices increasing significantly at points during the Lockdown, and financial uncertainty a reality for many, it has been a great privilege to be in a situation where we can find increased financial safety and security by pooling our resources. Equally with supermarkets restricting opening times, along with the number of customers admitted at any one time, and online deliveries hard to come by, having more than just one or two people who can do a run to the shop makes things much more manageable than they would otherwise be, removing the necessity of needing to find childcare (in doing so potentially breaking the terms of the government’s measures) or simply facing the irritation of long queues at inconvenient times of day. The effects of this obviously go beyond utility, reducing much of the potential stress and anxiety that comes with struggling to meet one’s basic needs.
One glaring disadvantage is of course our increased risk of infection. Closer living quarters combined with the ubiquitous risks posed by supermarket shopping (or indeed any time spent in public),children moving between the homes of separated parents and, in my case, exposure to a host of non-household members at work undeniably makes us particularly susceptible to catching the virus. Fortunately we are all of us in the low risk category; were that not so this situation would look somewhat different – the challenge of strictly isolating three families, or indeed individuals within a three family household, wouldn’t be an easy one to meet. But, touch wood, we’re all OK so far! It seems that in many ways co-housing would effectively solve this problem, providing individual dwellings that would allow for isolation where necessary along with a great many of the benefits listed above, if not of the same intensity.
With that being said, it is also, I feel, essential to acknowledge the degree of privilege, financial and otherwise, with which we are blessed; to be able to take this is as an ‘opportunity’ is not something that everyone can do. On the contrary this is a time of extraordinary hardship for many. In part we find ourselves in such favourable circumstances as a result of happen-stance, a series of fortunate life circumstances that have led us to this point where the same luck-of-the-draw has led others to a much more challenging scenario. Part of our vision in setting up this project however, is that we can (as many others have done and are currently doing in the various pre-existing co-housing projects in the UK and beyond) offer opportunities for others to reap some of the benefits that we are reaping, opening doors to a different way of living that is sustainable, affordable and that has community at its heart. And not just in relation to our specific project, but beyond it, by showing that it is within the reach of ordinary people. We have a long way to go before this goal can be realised, with much uncertainty to come, but surveying the landscape at this slightly surreal moment in time, I have a greater appreciation than I have ever had that what we are trying to achieve is of genuine value, with or without coronavirus.
Cohousing West Midlands 